


Family planning

by crazed_peanut



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Oneshot, Phan - Freeform, Talking About Kids, married!phan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-26 10:36:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5001454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazed_peanut/pseuds/crazed_peanut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil had had a plan. Finish the tour, buy a house, get married, have kids. Dan had been patient with the execution.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Family planning

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure where I got the idea, but i kind of like this work. Enjoy!  
> The events and characters of this story are a figment of my imagination.

Dan took a deep breath as he closed the door of their house behind him. Phil was never one to make a scene in public, so they were sat in silence the whole cab ride home.  
“I don’t appreciate you putting me on the spot like that, Dan.”  
Dan exhaled. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
“Don’t play all clueless!”  
“So now I can’t even make a joke?”  
“You know it wasn’t a joke.” Dan knew.  
“No, it wasn’t.”  
Phil let out a snarky laugh and started walking away, trying to be angry at Dan but just being frustrated with himself.  
“Why are you always walking away from this discussion? You shut me down so fast! You say you don’t want kids right now and that’s the end of it. You don’t let me get a word edgewise!”  
“Where should I start from with the reasons, Dan?! We’ve had this conversation a thousand times already. We don’t have time for a kid.”  
“No, Phil, see, I think we do! We’re not writing a book, we’re not touring anymore, basically the only things we do are make videos and go on the radio once a month. It’s not like we need to take on any more projects. I thought we had a strategy. What you have are not reasons, they’re lame excuses.”  
Phil wanted this conversation over. And what Phil wanted, was usually what Phil got. He stormed out of the room (into a spare bedroom, Dan hoped, not the shared one) and Dan didn’t even bother stopping him again. He was instead left alone and he reached for the wedding band that hung around his neck. Phil had had a plan. Finish the tour, buy a house, get married, have kids. Dan had been patient with the execution. It had taken them a while to buy a home, there had always been something Phil hadn't liked about the properties their agent showed them. And after the wedding Phil had just kept stalling and stalling and now here they were.  
Earlier that night Phil’s mom had innocently asked if they planned on children soon and Dan simply said “God, I wish!” What he got from his partner was the icy death stare he couldn’t mistake even if he was blind and he knew what was coming when they got home. In truth he wanted to get Phil angry enough for him to blurt out the real reason why he was being so stubborn on this. Sure, Dan had always been the more eager one to become a parent, but Phil wanted it too. He was good with kids and adored them. Dan was starting to get really upset anytime they talked about it, because Phil seemed resolved and because he still, at 27, got treated like a little boy who doesn’t know what he wants.  
Phil knew the inevitable was coming the next morning, so he put off going to bed and falling asleep for as long as possible, as if staying awake would prevent the morning from coming, and Dan from waking up remembering they’d fought and he wouldn’t have to goddamn speak.  
The whole house was quiet and the air tense throughout the night. It was big enough so that both men avoided each other without much effort. In two separate rooms for the first time since they moved in, one fell asleep angry, and the other one- guilty. 

***  
When Dan shuffled out of bed around 9 and towards the kitchen, he heard Phil already in there. The only smell was of coffee, no pancakes or waffles, nothing was being cooked, and he thought to himself coffee never smelled more appalling. This was serious then. Phil hadn’t made breakfast, which would equal an apology, but he wasn’t avoiding Dan either, and shit, Dan was now concerned. He didn’t want to make a scene. Not anymore, anyway. If he were younger, some 3 years ago even, he would have stormed into that bloody kitchen, voice raised, brows furrowed together and DEMANDED an explanation. He’d much rather hear what his husband had to say, so polite “Good morning”s were exchanged as they both sat down at the table, opposite each other. Dan didn’t want to be the one who spoke first, mainly because Phil had this look on his face, like he’d rehearsed what to say and was now going through it one last time in his head. The uncomfortable silence lasted for about a minute.  
“I’ve been a dick to you by not addressing the situation” Phil began. “Mainly because what I am going to say and what I want to happen would seem to conflict each other and I couldn’t find the right way to go about it. I still haven’t.”  
“What would you want to happen?” Dan asked.  
“I want us to stay married.” Phil answered quickly.  
“Is it that serious that you have to preface it like that?”  
“No! I mean… no.” These words seemed to take away all energy Phil still had left and he dropped his gaze back to his feet.  
Dan was stubborn in his silence. He wasn’t trying to decipher Phil, nor jump to any conclusions, so he just sat there regretting he hadn’t first poured a cup of coffee, so he’d have the spoon to play with while waiting for a proper explanation.  
“We’ve been together for a long while now and I saw how you grew up from a boy to a man… to an intelligent, witty and stunning man. I love you as you are now and I love us.” Phil paused half-expecting for Dan to interject but when he registered the silence, he spoke on. “But I think that’s exactly it. I still… When I look at you at one moment I see you, my Daniel, and in the other I see you as a boy. They mix very weirdly together and sometimes I’m very confused and conflicted. I know this is stupid and unhealthy, but I…”  
“You don’t think I’m responsible enough.” Dan had almost had enough. He was piercing a hole through Phil with his stare, but the latter just sunk lower into his chair, refusing to look up. “I’m not entirely sure why you’re basing your opinion of me on something I was 9 years ago. I have pulled my weight enough in this relationship, and in the brand. You haven’t had to deal with something on your own for god knows how long now.” A redness was creeping up Dan’s neck, not the kind that flushed his cheeks with arousal, but one which colored his ears with anger.  
Somehow Phil got his voice back “When we first got together you used to tell me I’d saved you. Do you remember how you whispered it to me, shaking in my arms?”  
The “ _Of course I fucking do!_ ” remained strangled in Dan’s throat.  
“And I stayed with you and struggled with you and loved you through it. You’ve been more than strong enough after that. You’ve proved capable of achieving everything you put your mind into.”  
_Pause. Deep breath._  
“I still can’t shake the feeling I’m going to have to save you again one day and it wouldn’t be as easy.”  
“Do you think I’m unstable?” It was a valid question but it still left a bitter taste on Dan’s lips.  
“Not right, no. But the last time you…. When we got married, you were anxious for months before and after that about the phandom’s reaction. You were very down and hard on yourself.”  
“But did I stop working? Was I not getting out of bed every day and doing what I had to, what was expected of me?”  
“Of course you did all of these things, but that’s not all that matters, Dan. Pretending you’re okay won’t work when you’re trying to raise a happy healthy child. It’s a tough job and I want to do it _with_ you, not _around_ you.”  
“Please don’t talk down to me as if I haven’t a clue. I’m aware of all of that. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”  
“No, Dan, the kids are on the other side of that bridge and we just got there.”  
Dan’s mouth dropped open, as if he was going to say something, but then his mind recognized the conversation was over. So he squeezed his lips shut and got up to make coffee.  
The next couple of days were relatively busy and when both men weren’t caught up in their work, or talking to management about work, or running errands, the unfinished topic weighed heavily between them. Both were trying consciously to spend as little time as possible alone not because they were angry at each other (Phil had returned to the shared bed the same night), nor because they were worried another fight would start. The hours when nothing needed to be done, they spent thinking of a way to resolve the issue. It was, admittedly, quite a big one. The thought of separation crossed neither mind.  
The weekend rolled around as gloomy as ever and on Saturday night, as Phil was reading in bed, he looked up to see Dan coming out of the en suite bathroom. And then this phrase came out of his mouth, which made Phil shiver. It shouldn’t have, really, because he was toying with the same idea, but it was the way Dan said it- defeated, like he’d tried desperately to figure it out on his own, but realized he couldn’t. Phil always thought the couples that did that were making a stop to the end destination-divorce.  
“We should go to couple’s therapy.”  
“I think you’re right.” Phil supposed it wasn’t easy on his husband to suggest that.  
Dan sighed and slipped into bed. They’d been together long enough to be able to sense the other’s needs, so when Phil shifted so that Dan could lay in his arms, he knew that Dan would.  
They were awake together in the quiet darkness for a while, and Phil forced himself to focus on how Dan felt under his touch, and he made a mental list of all the reasons they have to make this work. He felt the urge to recite them out loud, but then he noticed Dan’s breathing was heavy and even. He was already asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I originally wrote a completely different story, where Phil had "a problem" and they talked it out on their own, but I couldn't figure out what that problem might be-serious enough so that he hadn't told Dan until now, but simple enough to be talked out. It didn't work so I went in this direction instead.  
> Writing phanfics is my coping mechanism, so I'll keep posting them even if they're not good or original.  
> Please stop by in the comments and hit the kudos if you like this!  
> Also, check out my other works here, since I don't have a tumblr!


End file.
